Me: Explain to me how the cat fell into the bathtub?
Six year old: I was giving him rabies.
Me: what?
Six year old: with the bubbles, I was making him look like he had rabies
Me: hmm
Six year old: but then he fell in, but I saved him from drowning that was nice of me right?
Mama: Did you eat your Hot Dog?
Six Year Old: No
Mama: Why not?
Six Year Old: I’m really more a predator of Raisins than hot dogs.
Mama: So tomorrow, you (8 year old) will go to Grandma’s to spend the night. And you (6 year old) are going to your friend’s house while I’m at quilt group
Six year old: ahhh, it will be nice to spend a whole day without you (points to older sibling)
Eight year old: (Unmoved)
Shocked Mama: What?!
Six year old: (shrugs)I don’t like the naughty ways he goes somedays.
Mama:(notion of precious, loving brothers, shattered)
*Yesterday-The Beatles
Scene: The supermarket Checkout
7 Year old: (reading a magazine cover) A baby is born every 17 seconds in the World!
5 Year old: What?
7 Year old: A baby is born every 17 seconds in the World!
5 year old: Where?
7 Year old: I don’t know.
5 Year old: What house?
7 Year old: I don’t know.
5 Year old: Well read it! (points to the words)
7 Year old: That’s all it says.
5 year old:
7 Year old:
5 year old: well, maybe mom knows where.
5 year old:I have some ideas on how you can make some dollars.
7 year old: Really?
5 year old: yes! you can get a red jar and ring a bell and then people (holds hands in air for emphasis) just give you money!!
7 year old: Perfect! Mom can we have a red jar?
Mom: um…
*It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
“I wanted to draw a picture of you at school, because I wuv you. But my teacher said I had to draw one of me. A self pot trat.”
“Well you can draw one now”
“What’s that on top of my head?”
“That’s the girl hair.”
Chantilly Lace- The Big Bopper
Scene:
Son Two in time out, Me at the computer.
Son Two: Grunt..grunnnttttt
Me: What are you doing
Son Two: grunnnnt. i”m trying to pop my head off
Me: …..
Me:…..
Me:. Why?
Son Two: So I can see what Brudder is doing.
Wah: Mama, maybe you could get a bowtie for your hair.
Mama: okay
Wah: Then everyone will knowed your a girl!
Mama: Excellent
Wah: yes.
*I”m just a Girl- No Doubt
A variation..
Mama: Do you need help carrying that?
Wah: Nope, I don’t need help, I got skillz.
Wah: Mama, I want to get all stressed up.
Mama: What?
Wah: I want to get all stressed up! Wike a Wobot!
Mama: (thinks) You mean you want to get all dressed up? Like a robot?
Wah:(hands on hips) yes! that’s wud I said!
*Under Pressure-Queen