Overheard through the screen door.
Bumblebee (in Moo’s words): But I want to come inside
Moo: But my mudder says Bumblebees live outside
Bumblebee: outside?
Moo: yes…
Bumblebee: but I wuv you
Moo: I wuv you too Bumblebee but Mudders says “tough.”
I stayed up to late last night Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer (still angling for that 15yr old reader category) the musical episode. It wasn’t as good as I expected it to be. But then it had been built up in my mind and I had been waiting through all of Season Five to watch it.
I’m a huge fan of musical’s as is Joss Whedon obviously. I stayed up too late last night watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer the musical episode. Twice. Once for me and once with Whedon’s commentary. And I may or may not be listening to the music right now. (I’ll never tell-And I certainly haven’t waste an hour of my life finding and arranging them in order).
I realized tonight, as I search the web for the songs that have been running through my head all day, that I wanted more. Maybe it wasn’t as good as I expected or maybe? Maybe the letdown of the Buffy musical was that I wanted to hear Anthony Stewart Head and Amber Benson sing another song. I wanted Emma Caulfield to lay some more heavy metal on me (re: bunnies) and hear James Marsters croon a bit more.
Even Buffy had a great voice. Totally impressive. So yeah I liked it. Alot.
Today as Legolas and I beat feet up and down our hilly three miler we huffed and puffed and we talked about being Moms. Being a parent is hard, and it’s not quite what you expect. I never expected to judge myself so harshly. I think we enter parenthood thinking we mostly have it figured out. Feed, Bathe, Wipe, wipe, wipe, sleep. Then they go to college.
But in fact the whole process is a learning one. You learn about yourself, your partner, and your child(ren). And like all new things it’s scary and stressful. I think as parents, we spend so much time feeling inadequate in ourselves, and judging ourselves that sometimes we sink to the level of being relieved with someone else’s perceived failure. Like, ‘phew!’ what a relief, they aren’t perfect after all and so I don’t look as bad in comparison.
Obviously this is all in our heads. No one is judging us to the high standards we hold ourselves too, they are too busy holding themselves to their own standards. One thing I’ve learned (over and over it seems) is that ‘it’ is rarely, if ever about me.
It’s usually about someone or thing else but I happening to be seeing it through my worldview. Someone else’s failure, says nothing about me. Sometimes it makes me feel better for not being able to achieve what they have, but that again is my stuff. Not theirs.
I won’t be running the full 13.1 miles of the Turtledash. I wasn’t able to make myself adhere to the training plan this year. I accept that. I still feel as though I’ve failed myself just a tiny bit. Even though I know I can run 13.1 miles (with training) and that there is next year and every other half marathon out there to prove that. I had to put other things in front of my training this year and sometimes life, and parenthood is like that.
I feel like I should run the Turtledash because it’s my run. I’m guessing no one else thinks that. It’s only about me in my own mind.
The journey of being a parent is not something you can train for. It is a constant source of surprise, education, and joy. And it is hardly ever what we expect it to be. Sometimes it doesn’t live up to our expectations, and then we find ourselves humming its tune as it gets stuck in our head. A surprise.
For instance who would have guessed my son who loves to dress up would choose a new friend over a chance to get a new costume. I had to draw the line at the skeleton sleeping in his bed, because it was freaking me out. Frankly.
(His new best friend)
A few weeks ago I received a letter in the mail from one of my favorite people (other than you of course.) It was from someone I don’t see very much anymore, but who I always think about. Someone who has a very special place in my Heart. You may know her as Pixie.
Apparently she is fourteen* now. I personally refuse to believe it. So there.
She reads my blog.
I’m a parent of two little boys but Pixie will always be my little girl. The one who I pretended was mine and who I played house with. Not just the fake pancake kind. But the real pancake kind. We used to have Pixie for the day, she’d spend the night and in the morning? Pancakes! We would ‘play’ at family. With a returnable kid (which by the way is totally the way to go, these kids that are here All. The. Time? What’s the deal!)
She reads my blog.
Many of my friends do, and you, may I call you my friend? You do as well. But I’m guessing there aren’t a lot of 14 year old readers of my mama, crafty, quilty blog. Then again maybe I’m a star in the 14 year old blogosphere, you never know. YOU NEVER KNOW!
She reads my blog.
I think about it sometimes when I’m writing, but not much, because I’m writing for me so that I can remember these moments in our lives. And last month I wrote about Lee**, who is a part of these moments in my life. And I wanted to do something, I wanted to raise money* to show support for a family that is a part of me.
A few weeks ago I received a letter in the mail.
She reads my blog.
It doesn’t matter how many bills were carefully wrapped in a letter in this envelope. Of course I”ll remember the amount, but what I’ll remember more? Is this envelope, it’s contents and how it touched my heart.
Thank you Pixie.
*Apparently Pixie is fifteen. I don’t believe it. but there you have it.
** there is still time to donate to Lee’s Heart fun (see the sidebar for details). Many of you have sent readers here and I appreciate that. I would like to meet at least half my goal by next week when this fundraiser ends, thank you for helping Lee’s Heart Fund.
even if it is less than three months away.
We like to get a head start here after all it’s tiring being Santa’s Mama. What with all the Reindeer games.
An even better perk to WAHMamaness, is when your co-workers get all wacky you can take a break and go for a walk, and maybe pick a blackberry.
Or two.
And Carrots. Obviously.
He does not partake in the eating or picking of blackberries.
He does.
And after a mad search for the last to boxes of pectin (under the kitchen table, of course!) we even put away another 12 cans of jam. Yum.
Week Two of WAHMomdom is currently in full swing and I have to be honest. I love it.
I love that my kids are right down stairs, that I can pop in on them or answer Neighbor Girl’s questions (“do you let them fish on the stairs?” Yes, I do.) or change the laundry. Or do that one thing I forgot to do without it really interrupting my ‘work’.
Or that I can pop in for some Heavy Handed Time out because jumping from the windowsill to the chair is dangerous no matter what you think Mister.
If things are quiet on the work front I can even sneak some sewing in. And there is always blogs to catch up on.
Everything in balance…
One of my posts from last year is being featured on BlogNosh magazine today. This has rendered me with a nauseating case of stage fright and writers block.
So go here to read the post and check out BlogNosh.
Otherwise …LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY!
With my four year old in pre school three times a week I’ve been spending more quality time with his brother, special alone time with mom and full access to ALL THE TOYS!
My second talks more than his older brother, in fact he talks more than anyone I know (even his father!), the only time he doesn’t talk is when he is sleeping. I love listening to his conversations as he plays with his toys.
Frequently he builds family, which I’m told my other son does in preschool, always wanting to draw the complete family, Mama, Dad, Me, brudder in his school work. If they make a Duck in arts and crafts he wants to make three more.
His little ‘brudder’ is the same way, the above picture is an interaction between his family, I’m the tow truck. (?) And he is the lunch box, his favorite toy right now. I know this because he kept yelling “I’M THE BRUDDER! I’M THE BRUDDER!” during this interaction.
The trains get a lot of time out. I’m not sure for what, but they are very naughty, I know because he is always telling them. It is always illuminating to hear yourself parroted back through play. I realize that most of the time my little guy doesn’t really know why he gets time out, or rather I gather this from the random way trains are always headed to the corner.
Recently he is has taken to yelling “YOU GOTTA STAND??? YOU GOTTA STANd???” At the naughty trains which I realized was his version of “Do you understand?” Something he hears very frequently.
I’m guessing he doesn’t ‘gotta stand’ but he is giving it a great effort.
(Today’s awesome rag rug brought to you by Mia. I love it! And so do the boys!!)
School has started, but Summer? Still here! At least for a few more days. Maybe enough to reach our goal of Biking Rider!
Maybe not.
