I escorted four young Carolers around town this evening. I have no photos from this adorableness, because hello, four small Carolers. It was all I and Miami Mama could do to get them all out of carseats and safely to the door within five minutes of each other and not lose one of them in the dark. “Look something shiny”. “oooooh”
It started out as Christmas cookie delivery. Well it really started out as Pumpkin Cranberry Bread delivery but the pumpkin cranberry bread didn’t um, rise. Which was weird. And the Christmas Chocolate chip cookies were more puddles. I think I may have a baking cabinet crisis on my hands.
In the darkness of the cookie catastrophe my five year old showed me the way. Marching purposefully from the van with his cookies and fudge precariously grasped in his hands he led the small procession to each door. He took his business very seriously, singing all three verses of We wish you a merry Christmas and near the end of our evening actually getting the other three to end in one trembling note before they dashed off to play with the caroling recipient’s lawn decorations.
The excitement in the van as we drove from one sparkly house to the next was palpable (it might have been the shrieking…). I’m not sure even they knew what they were wound up about, being out after dark? singing to strangers and friends? The lights? the cupcakes at the last house of the evening?
At one point Miami Mama turned to me and above the din or our combined prodigy who were ’singing’ along to Holly Jolly Christmas she said “This is the most in the spirit I’ve been!”.
This Holiday season has found me in the dumps more than once, I know it’s a combination of things not the least of which is my ongoing medical issues. I haven’t felt in the “Christmasy mood” and there are a lot of reasons why none of which are life threatening, most of which are just sadness. But I have plodded through with the ’stuff’. The Christmas parade, and the cookies and the parties. Because I believe in the season. And I believe in Peace and brotherhood and even if I don’t feel joy right now. I have…in the past.
And as it does so often, life flipped the switch on me. Maybe it was my son, in a Santa hat singing out his heart at our friends doors. Maybe it was my other son announcing to our last house “WE DON’T HAVE ANY COOKIES FOR YOU!!!!” that made me laugh. Maybe it was Miami Mama’s comment that made me realize I’d been feeling Christmasy all evening. Maybe is just children at Christmas and the wonder and the joy and the John Denver ness of it all.
Maybe it was a note that my husband showed me that he has kept over the years. A note written by a scared girl to a beautiful boy. A note of hope and love.
Maybe it was just taking the time to remember. And to anchor. And to let go.
The letting go. That is always the hardest isn’t it?
Maybe it was Jewel. Reminding me that we’re all okay.
Let it go.
Merry Christmas, and a Happy New year.
*Hands -Jewel
